Writing Challenge Day 1

In my Timehop today there was a picture of a writing challenge that I obviously took a picture of and was thinking that perhaps I would try and do it and then didn’t.  Blogging is kind of like housework sometimes…I am easily distracted and get off course.

It’s going to be a challenge just finding the time to sit down everyday and write about each thing on the list…but I am going to give it a whirl.

The first day is…Your Current Relationship, if single, discuss how single life is.

Well I am not single so let me share the boring juicy details of my current relationship, which is marriage.

The King of the house and I met back in 2008.  He found his winning prize…yours truly…on yahoo personals.  I was living the single life with no kids and no responsibilities …well unless you count work and bills as part of those.

I have to admit that I was a little intimidated by him upon meeting him in person for the first time.  But a couple beers later and I was like *here’s my number…stop staring at my boobs…and call me if you want to hang out again.*  He was blowing up my phone with text messages 10 minutes later even though he will never admit it.  You know guys and how smooth they think they are.

It wasn’t long before we were attached at the hip *grins* if you know what I mean.  And over the course of the next 3 years we would add three more children to the two he had when we got together.

Let’s fast forward to current day.

We will be celebrating our 8 year wedding anniversary on May 20th.  It’s really hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that I have been in a relationship for that long.  My previous relationships never made it past 5 years.  It had actually become a joke between my friends and I.  It was like a 5 year “you’re fucking out of here” curse.

Luckily there were never any children involved.

Now I’m not saying that we haven’t had some close calls of calling it quits but I really just don’t think there are any other people that could put up with either one of us.   We are both stubborn headed, I’m a little crazy, he’s a bit of an asshole, but somehow together we manage not to murder terminate slaughter butcher massacre snuff dispose of kill each other.  I mean those thoughts never even cross my mind. **picks up her halo and places it gently back over her devil horn**

But like I have written before “marriage takes work” and “doesn’t run on auto pilot“.  You have to be able to laugh together, take time for one another(or sometimes away from each other), and you have to learn to pick your battles…may I suggest only picking the ones you know you can win…just saying.

My husband and I have decided divorce isn’t an option unless we just grow to literally hate one another or I stab him in the leg with a fork.  Whichever comes first.  Otherwise, we are lifers!

I’m linking this post with the following fab linkys 

 

 

 

 

Throwback Thursday ~ Why Does Marriage Take A Lot Of Work

I wrote this post about a year ago.  I made a few revisions and it’s my pick for Throwback Thursday.

My friend Rod over at Modern Dad Pages wrote a piece recently that got me to thinking and wanting to respond in my own way to his question of “Why Do We Say Marriage Is A Lot Of Work?”  He inspired me to want to write a blog post about it rather than leave a 600word essay message  in his comments.

Definition of work: Activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result. This is according to a google search.  It’s also the same definition in which Rod used.  Google is a popular place…no wonder their stock price is 660.06 a share and up $24 at this moment.  Oh wait I was talking about marriage here….

UPDATE: Google today is worth 779.51 a share.

What I gather of Rod’s “opinion” is that marriage doesn’t fall under this definition. So let’s break it down…

*Activity ~ That would be the marriage

*Involving Mental or physical effort ~ I don’t know about you but marriage makes me mental.  And I don’t mean this in a bad way…it doesn’t always make me want to stab my husband in the leg with a fork crazy all the time.  Mental is also happy, giddy, sad, aggravated, horny, ….etc.

As far as physical effort?  Hello what’s sex?  And I am sorry, I don’t care if you’ve been together 3 years or 30+ years…sex can sometimes be a physical effort.  Not to mention that when you’re finished, and you have done it right, you are breathing like you just got done running a 5k marathon with a toddler strapped to your back.  Exercising, by the definition standards of once again, google, is… activity requiring physical effort, carried out especially to sustain or improve health and fitness and a good sex life.  Yes I added the crossed out part.  Somehow, it just looks like it fits in that definition.

UPDATE: I need more physical activity lately.

Another form of physical effort…hugging, kissing, wrestling around playing, holding hands, smacking each other across the face ass…etc.  It’s all physical and it all takes some effort …. from each of the participants.

*In order to achieve a purpose or result ~ All of the above must be done to “achieve” a successful marriage and not “result” in divorce.

Rod quoted:

“When I hear people talking about “marriage being a lot of work” it actually strikes a cord deep in me and I have to ask “why is marriage a lot of work, but when you hear people refer to a friend or best friend it flourishes”?

In my “opinion” I think all relationships need work by both parties.  A friendship only flourishes if both friends are making a mental and physical effort to be friends.  Caring about that friend, physically calling or texting that friend, thinking about that friend, having mental images about the times had with that friend.  If none of those are done…the friendship, as a result, dissolves.  And a lifetime friendship is not achieved.

Therefore, marriage and friendships are only successfully attained when both participants inspire towards mental and physical aspects, efforts, attempts, etc. …. all in a result to work together.

Rod also quoted:

You shouldn’t feel like you need to do things to keep them happy rather they should appreciate the small things you do for them. Marriage should be to your best friend and it should flourish rather than feel like “work”!

I agree that you should never feel obligated to make or keep someone happy.  Especially if there is no repercussion from the other person on efforts to make you happy.  But even the little things we do in our marriages and friendships, everyday, are mental and physical in order to achieve a long-lasting result.  If you completely ignore or fail to communicate with one another, there is nothing left to work on.

For instance, if you go to work and there is nothing left to work on then you are let go(divorce) from said job(marriage).

UPDATE: It’s been a rough year on my own marriage.  We have talked circles about change but now realize that it’s time to either stick to “working” on those changes or both our relationship statuses are going to change.

In conclusion to Rod’s question…”my” answer is this:  marriage is a lot of work due to the fact that by NOT working on it…it won’t exist. It’s mental and physical effort to achieve a successful result.

I want to thank Rod for inspiring me to get my opinionated juices flowing.

What’s your opinion?

I am linking this post with the following linkys:

~Marriage Doesn’t Work On Auto-Pilot~

  

Lately I have spent a lot of time reading articles about marriage and even dwelling into my own.  What makes them work? Why do they fall apart? Why are men and women so different?

This year of 2015 has been a trying one on my marriage.  It has to do with a number of reasons.

For 3 years prior we lived in separate places…5 hours apart…and only saw each other once or twice a month.  And it’s true that absence makes the heart grow fonder because when I finally got to see him I was so happy that there wasn’t any time to be upset about anything.   We had very little time together and didn’t want to spend it arguing about stupid stuff.

Now we are living under the same roof and as much as I love seeing and kissing his face everyday it also opens more doors and avenues to argue.  Usually because we are both tired and frustrated from the days we have had.  I think it’s easier for him to go to work and he thinks it’s easier for me to be home with the kids.  That is probably the base of every argument.  There was also a time in the beginning of the move that I resented him for taking a job that eventually caused me to make a decision to move. A place where I knew no one, he was the only adult I had to talk to, and he was gone 17 hours a day.

Now let’s add in that during the first part of the year I was taking anti-depressant medication which I had been put on after having my third and final child.  Being on it pretty much made me not care about anything including sex.  I didn’t care if we had it or not and for the most part I only did it as an obligation of being a wife.  I was also a bitch all the time.  Bitchy all the time and uninterested in sex can put a real strain on a marriage.  So I decided to quit taking the medication.

It took a long time for the medication to finally leave my system and as it did I noticed my sex drive returning which was great but I also started to notice that during my monthly cycle time I was pretty much on the verge of becoming a complete lunatic….and am still dealing with those emotions once a month.

This means he’s dealing with it too and how am I supposed to expect him to understand it when I don’t understand it myself???  I am horrible at the fact that I will sit and dwell on something, overthink it, and drain the life out of it until I then blow up at something as trivial as he didn’t answer a text message.

  
The female mind is such a frustrating mystery.  And for most men, including my husband, I am sure they wished there was just a switch to turn off the crazies…hell…so do I!

But there’s not.

There’s also the factor that my husband and I have not had an overnighter alone with just the two of us for almost 2 years now.  Sure we have date nights where we go out to dinner, maybe catch a movie or sometimes we are just so exhausted that when dinner is finished we drag ourselves home and to bed.  We have 4 kids living at home 3 of which are 5 and under…the oldest, luckily for us, is old enough to babysit so that we can have said date nights.  But I truly believe that mommies and daddies need time away to reconnect with one another without the stresses of everyday life.

But through all of these factors, the close calls of calling it quits, the fights, and the craziness in general…we have chosen not to give up.  We have chosen to keep our family unit connected and work on making our marriage better.  

  
We have made it clear to one another that we are the glue that bonds this family together and that with both of us coming from broken homes, we want to embrace every chance not to let that happen to our children.  And that doesn’t mean only staying together for the children because believe me I have read a lot of material on that lately and that’s unhealthier for the kids than splitting up.

We choose to stay together because we know we truly love each other and also because we realize that the good days are really REALLY good and as long as they continue to outweigh the bad days then the marriage is worth fighting for.

            I’m linking this post with the following linkys…

Hands Off

Well imagine my surprise  when I woke up this morning to learn that Gwen Stefani’s new song is related to the recent divorce of her and Gavin Rossdale!  WHAT!?!?  I am just learning of this news and it happened in August?!?!

But that’s not what this post is about….

There are allegations, which based on their history I am going to say are true about Gavin Rossdale cheating.  But even that is not what this post is about…

This post is about the woman who came forth and said she was the one he cheated with.  Why didn’t you just say no to him?  You knew he was married.  And you knew his wife was deeply in love with him so why….oh why didn’t you just find your girl power somewhere and say NO!  Even if they weren’t in love with each other, or having problems where their marriage was vulnerable…why not just wait to approach him after the marriage has resolved …on paper…signed by both parties? They weren’t even separated…they JUST HAD A BABY LAST YEAR!  And if the truth is that you are their nanny…then really shame on you! You will never be anything but a cliche’. Enjoy that title.

What is with being a home wrecker?

I see it all the time, read about it all the time, girls pursuing married men…knowing they are married and vice versa. Like somewhere, along the way, when someone says ‘I’m married”, the meaning, has flown clean out the window. What is wrong with people? Why cheat? Oh I know why cause you’re fucking insecure that’s why.

If a man or woman tells you that they are married…back the fuck off! Why does someone always want what someone else has…enough to destroy a family over it? Does that make you feel good about yourself in some way? If I was Gwen Stefani I would sue the nanny just to make a point. The nanny knew what the situation was and yet it didn’t stop her from being with him. Let’s face it, some men don’t think with their heads…not men like Gavin Rossdale anyway. Piece of shit. Piece of shit nanny.

15 years of marriage…just gone…because a man thought with his penis instead of using his brain. I hope his fame and fortune fail…I hope karma bites him in the ass just like it did Tiger Woods cause let’s face it…that man hasn’t been on top of the golfing world since he was caught cheating.

Oh and I know women do it too. Probably more than most think they do. Women just hide it better is all. It takes more then someone waving their genitals around for a woman to cheat. Studies show that women usually cheat because of an emotional connection…men cheat cause they can’t keep their dick in their pants. It doesn’t matter how much they love someone…when someone comes along flashing the goods it’s like the penis takes over stupidity sets in.  Now I am not saying all men and women, but some.  The weak ones.

 

 

~Why Marriage Is A Lot Of Work~

My friend Rod over at Modern Dad Pages wrote a piece recently that got me to thinking and wanting to respond in my own way to his question of “Why Do We Say Marriage Is A Lot Of Work?”  He inspired me to want to write a blog post about it rather than leave a 600word essay message  in his comments.

Definition of work: Activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result. This is according to a google search.  It’s also the same definition in which Rod used.  Google is a popular place…no wonder their stock price is 660.06 a share and up $24 at this moment.  Oh wait I was talking about marriage here….

What I gather of Rod’s “opinion” is that marriage doesn’t fall under this definition. So let’s break it down…

*Activity ~ That would be the marriage

*Involving Mental or physical effort ~ I don’t know about you but marriage makes me mental.  And I don’t mean this in a bad way…it doesn’t always make me want to stab my husband in the leg with a fork crazy all the time.  Mental is also happy, giddy, sad, aggravated, horny, ….etc.  As far as physical effort?  Hello what’s sex?  And I am sorry, I don’t care if you’ve been together 3 years or 30+ years…sex can sometimes be a physical effort.  Not to mention that when you’re finished, and you have done it right, you are breathing like you just got done exercising.  Exercising, by the definition standards of once again, google, is… activity requiring physical effort, carried out especially to sustain or improve health and fitness and a good sex life.  Yes I added the crossed out part.  Somehow, it just looks like it fits in that definition.

Another form of physical effort…hugging, kissing, wrestling around playing, holding hands, smacking each other across the face ass…etc.  It’s all physical and it all takes some effort …. from each of the participants.

*In order to achieve a purpose or result ~ All of the above must be done to “achieve” a successful marriage and not “result” in divorce.

Rod quoted:

“When I hear people talking about “marriage being a lot of work” it actually strikes a cord deep in me and I have to ask “why is marriage a lot of work, but when you hear people refer to a friend or best friend it flourishes”?

In my “opinion” I think all relationships need work by both parties.  A friendship only flourishes if both friends are making a mental and physical effort to be friends.  Caring about that friend, physically calling or texting that friend, thinking about that friend, having mental images about the times had with that friend.  If none of those are done…the friendship, as a result, dissolves.  And a lifetime friendship is not achieved.

Therefore, marriage and friendships are only successfully attained when both participants inspire towards mental and physical aspects, efforts, attempts, etc. …. all in a result to work together.

Rod also quoted:

You shouldn’t feel like you need to do things to keep them happy rather they should appreciate the small things you do for them. Marriage should be to your best friend and it should flourish rather than feel like “work”!

I agree that you should never feel obligated to make or keep someone happy.  Especially if there is no repercussion from the other person on efforts to make you happy.  But even the little things we do in our marriages and friendships, everyday, are mental and physical in order to achieve a long-lasting result.  If you completely ignore or fail to communicate with one another, there is nothing left to work on.

For instance, if you go to work and there is nothing left to work on then you are let go(divorce) from said job(marriage).

In conclusion to Rod’s question…”my” answer is this:  marriage is a lot of work due to the fact that by NOT working on it…it won’t exist. It’s mental and physical effort to achieve a successful result.

I want to thank Rod for inspiring me to get my opinionated juices flowing.

What’s your opinion?

I am linking this post with the following linkys:

~August Is National Romance Awareness Month~

I don’t know about you but I have been married over 6 years now and the romance flew the coop a long. Time. Ago!  Don’t get me wrong…my husband still buys me flowers every 6 months once in a while and we do still have date nights but there’s no “romancing the stone cold love affair” around here. The dating phase is always such a glorious one.  Getting to know the person and all those fluttering butterflies that make your stomach feel like you’ve ridden the best amusement park ride there is without puking.  There’s not a moment in the day that goes by that you don’t think about having sex with seeing that one perfect person. And when you do the clothes are off in less than 5 minutes! Married with children sometimes has a tendency to blow that fuse right out!  Poof gone!  Must find trickier ways to be romantic…one being actually staying awake! So luckily there are times like August for “National Romance Awareness Month”.  Attention couples…are you listening?  Apparently studies show that couples who try new activities together stay together.  They have a better connection with one another which then could lead to the possibility of hotter sex!  Notice I said possibility.  Really?  Do these people who execute the results of these studies actually study married couples with children? It’s hard to find the time to be romantic when you have children interrupting every moment of your waking hours.  And inevitably when there is a great moment in which they are entertained and preoccupied….you suddenly realize…you haven’t showered and well that takes priority over sex.  So does the fact that you don’t want your partner to “smell” you. Now luckily for my husband,  I have never been one of those women who really cares much about romance.  I like the occasional gift of “surprise” flowers and my husband is good about sending me little notes via social media and I am just fine with that.  I don’t need lavish presents or vacations and well let’s face it,  with 4 kids at home…there’s other more important things to pay for.  Like clothes and food.  Therefore I don’t fall into the 78% of people who think romance is of great importance in a relationship.  I am quite certain neither does my husband. I am also not a big fan of Valentine’s Day, because quite frankly there shouldn’t need to be a holiday that says “I Love You”.  It should be something you know and say to one another every day.  And here it is with the first week of August gone and you want to know how many romantic things I have done for my husband or vice versa?  Nada.  Unless you count the fact that he dropped his bacon on the floor at breakfast the other morning and I gave him a piece of mine.  Now that’s romance people! With Love Always,

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What Defines Me

When I was a teenager I thought I knew the answer to everything.  I thought that I had my life planned out long before I had ever even graduated high school.  I thought I wanted to marry my high school sweetheart and live in the same town I grew up in, for the rest of my life.  “Urban Cowboy” was my favorite movie and “Bud and Sissy” seemed like they had it all with their mobile home that they “could move it wherever they want to”.  I also loved “Flashdance“.  Watched it almost everyday and wished that I had her determination, and of course that I lived in New York.

By my senior year everything that I “thought” I had known, completely changed.  I no longer wanted to stay in that small town.  My first love turned out to be an asshole.  And “Bud and Sissy” were no longer my ideals of a relationship.

Fast forward 24 years to present day…..

I am married with 5 great kids!  My life is filled with chaos on a monumental  basis.  This life is not what I ever imagined or could have tried to even fathom.  There are days that I have “Terms Of Endearment” and then there are days that resemble “Overboard“.  Granted I don’t wake up to Kurt Russel every morning in a house that resembles that of shed filled with filth.  But life is still teaching me lessons.

The truth is…being a mom and wife is what defines me.  I love and hate it all at the same time.  All of it.  There is no other way to describe it.  When the kids are all playing and getting along it’s a moment of pure bliss.  When they are fighting and scratching each others eyes out it makes me want to rip every last piece of my hair out until I am lifeless on the couch and mumbling “ba baa bbaaabbabba”

The same goes for marriage.  When it’s good it’s it’s like….(wow I googled movies about good marriages and their wasn’t a single one!)  Therefore I am going to pull the first one that comes to my quirky little mind… and that is “Sex Tape“.  Don’t judge…we all wish we were that hot of a couple that we could just leave our homemade  porno in ” the cloud”!  And when It’s bad it’s more like “The War Of The Roses“.

Regardless of what “movie” may resemble my real life…the truth is…this is my life and nothing resembles it.  I love my “not so little” family and I wouldn’t change it (well except maybe for the fact I would have more possibilities of someone babysitting for more then a few hours…I think my husband and I are in a serious need of a timeout… in a hotel room…not the corner).  My “Ever After” is in the here and now.

That’s Life,

 

I am linking this post with the following linkys:

 

How I Became A Mother

How I Became A Mother.

This still has to be one of my favorite pieces so far :))

Daddy Is On Night Shift

I have acquired a small list of pros and cons for my husband working shift work.  Particularly night shifts.

PROS

*I get the bed to myself.  I couldn’t stress more how great it is to be able to move freely without having to worry about whether or not I am keeping him awake.  I also love that I am not awakened in the middle of the night by his snoring which resembles that of a freight train.

Yes I snore too but I couldn’t find any funnies about women snoring.  ((smirks to self))

I have heard ^this a time or twelve.

Moving on…

*I also get total control of the remote which means that I get to watch whatever I want on TV without hearing “what are you watching?” in a “I am a man I don’t watch this crap” kind of voice.  This, of course, I take full advantage of and literally save up every episode of Housewives, Nashville, and any other “girl” related show that I currently like to watch, just for when he is on night shift.

*Taking a bath without being “interrupted”.  Meaning….well we don’t need to get into description here but if you are a woman with a man who sees you in the bathtub you know what I am talking about.  ((blushes))

 expectation

reality

*I don’t have to share my wine…I get the entire bottle to myself!

*I can go to sleep without feeling guilty about being too tired for “that”

*It’s easier to think of “what’s for dinner” because I am only feeding the kids.  Kids are easy to feed…with the exception of the teenagers who sometimes frown upon what I have made.

*I can blog, play Farmville, or any other “me” addiction I currently have without feeling culpable about it taking up too much of my attention.

CONS

*I suddenly have writer’s block…

“Sister Wives”

No I am not one.  Although the idea of it has crossed my mind a time or two.  But I know in the deepest depths of my soul that sharing my man with another woman on a permanent basis would drive me to drink more wine then I already do.  Not only because of jealousy issues but for the pure fact that I wouldn’t want another woman prying in my own beliefs of how to raise my children or how to make my man happy.

I have followed the show “Sister Wives” through every season since the beginning.  Not because I agree or disagree with their lifestyle but because I am curious about it.  In the beginning they all seemed so united.   The children were much younger but when there were only 3 wives the dynamic seemed so much more simultaneous.  They worked as a team but were 3 individual mothers and wives.  They relied on one another and each knew their place.

Enter moving to Las Vegas, NV and adding a fourth wife

Now when I watch the show it seems like such a train wreck.  First of all why, after 15 years of the dynamic being the same, would “the husband” want to change it by adding another wife?  Not only another wife but a younger, thinner, and prettier wife?  I personally think religion has nothing to do with his behavior…I think he is just a typical male that doesn’t  want to be confined to only one female.  Therefore, human nature.  But somehow because they stamp a religion on it then it makes it “OK”.  Maybe ok for him but what I can see, in the expressions of his wives, is that everything has changed.  They no longer form a “unit”….they are now 4 individual units…living in four different houses….and none of them connecting as actual “sister wives”.

sister-wife (plural sister-wives)- In a polygamous marriage a woman who is simultaneously a sister, and co-wife to another. *wiktionary.org 

One of the wives has even moved her mother in so that she has someone to help her with her children.  She has 3 sister wives (one of which has no children living at home anymore), yet she has to call on her own mother for help?  That in itself shows how much the “energy” between the wives has changed.  The only closeness I see in them is when they are all seated on the couch talking about the current episode.

I now see four women, who after years of giving up their lives to raise children and working together to do so, now wanting to gain their own independence and individualities apart from each other and “the husband”.  Like somehow burying themselves into “finding” themselves somehow takes the focus away from the fact that none of them are “happily” married.  And in my opinion, I think that leaving the situation is not an option for them.  Because leaving would mean failure.  Failure to a religious belief that life is supposed to be lived that way.  Therefore, giving up on the situation would be giving up on their religion.  But like I said…that’s just my opinion.

One man cannot be emotionally available for all those wives and children.  It is just not “humanly” possible.  But I will give him kudos for trying.  I will also give the wives kudos for trying to adapt to that lifestyle over and over again with no prevail.  And then having it publicly displayed on television for all the world to judge and form opinions about them.  And although I don’t agree or disagree with their lifestyle…I…like so many others have formed opinions about it.  But in the end it’s not our life to decide.  It’s theirs.  They chose it and they live it.  And they have taken the courage to share it with the rest of us…would you be so bold as to share your life and all your skeletons on public television?