Writing Challenge Day 1

In my Timehop today there was a picture of a writing challenge that I obviously took a picture of and was thinking that perhaps I would try and do it and then didn’t.  Blogging is kind of like housework sometimes…I am easily distracted and get off course.

It’s going to be a challenge just finding the time to sit down everyday and write about each thing on the list…but I am going to give it a whirl.

The first day is…Your Current Relationship, if single, discuss how single life is.

Well I am not single so let me share the boring juicy details of my current relationship, which is marriage.

The King of the house and I met back in 2008.  He found his winning prize…yours truly…on yahoo personals.  I was living the single life with no kids and no responsibilities …well unless you count work and bills as part of those.

I have to admit that I was a little intimidated by him upon meeting him in person for the first time.  But a couple beers later and I was like *here’s my number…stop staring at my boobs…and call me if you want to hang out again.*  He was blowing up my phone with text messages 10 minutes later even though he will never admit it.  You know guys and how smooth they think they are.

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It wasn’t long before we were attached at the hip *grins* if you know what I mean.  And over the course of the next 3 years we would add three more children to the two he had when we got together.

Let’s fast forward to current day.

We will be celebrating our 8 year wedding anniversary on May 20th.  It’s really hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that I have been in a relationship for that long.  My previous relationships never made it past 5 years.  It had actually become a joke between my friends and I.  It was like a 5 year “you’re fucking out of here” curse.

Luckily there were never any children involved.

Now I’m not saying that we haven’t had some close calls of calling it quits but I really just don’t think there are any other people that could put up with either one of us.   We are both stubborn headed, I’m a little crazy, he’s a bit of an asshole, but somehow together we manage not to murder terminate slaughter butcher massacre snuff dispose of kill each other.  I mean those thoughts never even cross my mind. **picks up her halo and places it gently back over her devil horn**

marriage relationship humor

But like I have written before “marriage takes work” and “doesn’t run on auto pilot“.  You have to be able to laugh together, take time for one another(or sometimes away from each other), and you have to learn to pick your battles…may I suggest only picking the ones you know you can win…just saying.

My husband and I have decided divorce isn’t an option unless we just grow to literally hate one another or I stab him in the leg with a fork.  Whichever comes first.  Otherwise, we are lifers!

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National Snowman Burning Day

Yep, you read that right folks…today is National Snowman Burning Day and I for one am SICK of winter.  Granted, in the following video, the woman doesn’t set the Snowman on fire but she clearly gets her point across.  I have watched this video at least a dozen times and laugh my ass off each and every time.

Because I for one can TOTALLY relate.

It seems like we have had snowfall upon snowfall since November.  And as much as I love the fact that so many water holes that had been empty are now full,  I am ready to put my swimsuit on and get in them, fish in them, boat on them, and camp by them,  rather than just look at them on the news or from the highway.

I am ready to soak up some vitamin D in which my body has been lacking the entire winter and I do believe has turned me into a psychopath an albino like zombie.  **sprays the self tanner on her skin**

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Now there have been a few days of this month that the weather has played with our heads.  It’s even gotten up to 70*F, even if it was for only one day.  But then the very next day it will be 32*F and snowing outside.

I don’t know whether to get the summer clothes out or just keep buying new winter clothes because my kids are all growing out of the stuff they have had since school started.  **thinks of just setting fire to anything that has to do with winter in hopes that it will bring some spring juju**

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And then there is that dreadful W word…no not winter…the other one.  W-I-N-D.  You wake up to see that the sun is peaking through the blinds and you jump out of bed to look outside only to find that your patio furniture is now upside down in a pile against the fence because the wind is blowing 60mph.

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And who wants to go out in that?

You can’t even fly a kite because the force of the wind will whip it right out of your hands.  Forget about doing your hair…even a messy bun can’t survive the brunt of those gail force winds.  The dust blows in your eyes, down your throat, and even into places you didn’t know dust could get into while being fully dressed.

Then there’s the dreaded “couped up indoors with the kids” syndrome.  You’ve pulled crafts off Pinterest, played 100 too many games of Sorry, and even done the unthinkable … MADE THEM CLEAN!

Motherhood mommy dearest winter
There actually isn’t any snow left in our yard right now so there won’t be any celebration of National Snowman Burning Day around here, but perhaps I could find a leftover stuffed one in the clearance isle at our local Wal-Mart and tell the kids we are trying out a new ritual to try and welcome spring.

National Burning Snowman Day humor
Burn you damn snowman…I want spring!
Cheers To Spring,

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Health And Fitness Update ~ March 10, 2017

I have decided that not only do I want to share my progress with all of those who wish to read about it but I would also like to share with you recipes that I like, exercises that I am doing, and just anything else that comes to mind that I think might help others.

My newest found addiction was stumbled upon while doing my morning cardio on the treadmill.  I had decided that I wanted to find a knowledgable person who could give me some tips on achieving the goals that I wish to achieve.  And where else to find such a person but the glorious land of YouTube.  I found a girl by the name of Jen Heward and I absolutely am intrigued by everything she has to say.  Below is the first video I watched and I was instantly hooked.

The thing I like about Jen (besides her goofiness) is the fact that she gears towards women and how OUR bodies work.  She also has the same troublesome areas of the body that I do which helps in getting to my goals.

She’s also a great motivator.  If there is a morning…like today for instance…that I just want to sit in my chair, binge watch TV, binge eat, and have nothing to do with exercise, I just pull up one of her videos and am instantly motivated.  Even if it’s just a short workout, it’s still doing something.

If you would like to check out her website which has some awesome recipes and supplements just click here.  I recently purchased the BCAA powder in pink lemonade flavor.  It shipped to me in 2 days (even though it said 5-7) and I tried it out today and loved it!  Not only does it taste great but it gives you energy without the jitters and helps with muscle healing during and after weight training.

I have been trying to keep to a clean eating lifestyle.  It’s going to take some time and serious commitment, especially on days like yesterday when I had to take 3 kids to dentist appointments at the same time, we were there for nearly 3 hours, and by the time I got home they weren’t willing to wait for me to make dinner.  So to avoid them gnawing my arm off, I ordered pizza.  And of course I had to have a piece of said pizza.  And then I decided that since I was already falling off the wagon I mind as well just get off the whole damn wagon completely and indulge myself into a glass, or two, or entire bottle of wine.

And so I did.

My favorite clean eating recipe of the week was my salmon, asparagus, and mushrooms all done in one pan.

Heat the oven to 425*F

Line a baking sheet with tin foil and spray with cooking spray

Trim the bottoms of the asparagus

Cut the mushrooms (I used baby portabellas) into quarters

Make sure your salmon is thawed.  The best salmon to use for clean eating is wild caught.  They sell it in the frozen section at War-Mart.

In a good-sized bowl mix together about a cup of olive oil, fresh finely chopped garlic, juice of one lemon, onion powder, and cayenne pepper (optional) **likes her food a little spicey like her sex everyday life.

Mix ingredients well with a whisk

Place the vegetables in the bowl until well coated then arrange them onto the foiled pan making sure you have some liquid left for the salmon (which is set aside for now).  I also thought to myself if I had time and would have thought about it,  I would have marinaded everything in the mixture before hand but I will have to do that next time.

Sprinkle with salt and pepper to taste

Pop the vegetables in the oven for about 10 minutes

Take the pan out and place the salmon on the pan.  Drizzle the rest of the mixture over the fish and veggies and feel free to season the salmon as you wish.  (I use McCormick’s Steak Seasoning for EVERYTHING…I even sprinkled some on the veggies)  Pop the pan back into the oven for about another 5 to 10 minutes depending on how you like your salmon cooked and then plate and enjoy!

salmon asparagus mushrooms recipe clean eating

The best things I learned this week are that I should do my weight training before my cardio and that I don’t have to spend hours a day doing cardio.  I also learned that women shouldn’t be afraid to lift heavy.  You will not bulk up like a man unless you take steroids.  In that case you may end up looking like this…

women body building steroids

When I look at that picture I see a man with a blonde wig but who am I to judge what someone wants to look like.  I just want to tone the flabby parts, not turn into the Incredible Hulk.

I also bought some weights and a yoga mat (I’m tired of getting up from the rug in my bedroom to find myself covered in dog hair) from the store this week.  I like to try out some of Jen Heward’s workouts at home before making a fool of myself at the gym.  Let’s face it, no matter how good I think I am doing something right there are times I know I must look like this…

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Until Next Time,

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Momsterslink Is Taking A Holiday Break

Hello everyone!  Due to the busy schedule of the holiday season I have decided to put #momsterslink on a break.  

It will return on Thursday Jan 5.  I hope you all enjoy your holidays and time with family.

5 Planes, A Sh*tty Hotel, And A Rental Car

After my recent trip to Missouri, I have a lot of appreciation for those who have to travel for a living.  Especially after 5 planes, a shitty hotel, a rental car, and 17 hours of trying to get home.

My trip started out great.  **places sarcasm in her voice**   I got to the airport and had to pee use the restroom.  Totally normal since it was a two-hour drive to get to the airport and I was running on nothing but coffee and energy drinks that morning.

I came out of the bathroom when this nice little old lady comes walking up to me to inform me I have paper…that would be the toilet seat paper…hanging out the backside of my pants.  I should have known right then and there that the trip was going to be equivalent to that one incident.

humor toilet paper hanging from pants

Since I wasn’t checking a bag…yes I was going away for 3 whole days and managed to only pack a carry on…then I had plenty of time to kill at the airport.  I got some food…a few snacks for the plane ride…charged my phone…and finally started boarding.

Four hours later I landed in Dallas, TX and had a 2 hour layover until my next flight….COCKTAILS!  Except every place in the Dallas airport that was close to my gate was packed.  Seemed that everyone had the same idea I did.  I settled on a Chilis and luckily had a waitress who was on the ball and brought me my margaritas order right away.

Time to board the second plane to St. Louis.

Now the first plane had plenty of overhead cabin space and my carry on fit in there perfectly.  But this flight the plane was much smaller and the overhead bins were smaller as well.  So I placed my carry on up there and then as I was trying to close the bin to make sure it fit I hit a gentlemen in the head with the corner of the bin door.  Luckily he must have had a few margaritas as well and laughed with me about the incident.

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2 more hours and a 2 hour time difference it’s now 8:30pm St. Louis time and I land safe and sound.  Off to the rental car counter I head.

NO ONE IS THERE.  As a matter of fact the entire airport was like a ghost town and it was only 8:30!!!  Living in Nevada I am very spoiled about things being open ALL. THE. TIME.

After talking to several airport personnel I am informed that I must take a shuttle to another location to get a rental car.

LOVELY.

It’s dark, I am alone, in a city that I have never been to before, and the lovely shuttle took about 20 minutes to finally pick me up.  The lady at the rental car agency was half asleep, handed me my paperwork and told me to take whatever car I wanted in the first two isles.

I took the first car I came to.  A black Hyundai Veloster with less than 1oo miles on it.  It was sporty and cute…in the dark.  In the light it was very compact and I was glad all I had was my purse and a carry-on.  And it took 2 days before I realized it was a 3 door car instead of a two door.

rental car hyundai veloster black

All I have to say is THANK GOODNESS for my dear friend Siri because without her I would have had no clue as to where I was going and I had an over two-hour drive ahead of me to get to Ft. Leonard Wood where my hotel was.

I decided to stop at a convenience store that was still open to grab a few snacks just in case that where I was going wasn’t going to have anything open.

I get to my hotel and am actually quite pleased that the area doesn’t scare me.

The lady at the front desk checks me in but then proceeds to tell me that I am to set my clock an hour ahead.  Now I am tired…it’s been a long day…but I knew it wasn’t time to forward the clocks.  But hey I am in Missouri and again I am tired and I think to myself **well maybe things here are different**  After confirming that the lady at the front desk was off her rocker I settle into my room.

Upon my entrance I am quite pleased to see that the room has a full kitchen.  I am talking full-sized fridge, a stove, a microwave, and lots of cupboard space that was totally useless but impressive.

As I do with every hotel I immediately took the bedspread off the bed.  There’s a 20/20 episode  (go ahead and click on it…I bet you will think twice about every hotel you stay at) that did tests on hotel bedspreads and I just happened to make the mistake of watching it and ever since then it’s the first thing I do when I get into a hotel room.  REMOVE THE BEDSPREAD.

And then I laid on the bed.

OMFG!

It was like laying on a dog bed in a pile of rocks.  NO JOKE.  The absolute WORST mattress I have ever slept on.  I woke up every morning with the worst back pain I have experienced in years.

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The two days I got to spend with my son were great except for the fact that everything in Missouri closes for the winter season except for shopping and restaurants.  Therefore we spent most of our time shopping, eating and driving like crazy along the countryside on the crazy winding roads.

So now it’s the morning I have to leave.  I had to wake at 3:30am (that’s 1:30am my time) to make sure that I get the rental car back and to the airport on time.  One five-hour energy and an energy drink for the drive and I was off.  I made the over two-hour trip to and from my hotel in the dark.  I will never know what that part of the country looked like but according to my son, I wasn’t missing much.

I got to the airport with plenty of time to spare.  The line for security was a little long.

While I was in Missouri I found a blow up Jack Skellington Halloween decoration on clearance for $2o.  I had forgotten at the moment while purchasing him that I had traveled with only a carry on.  So the night before I had packed my carry on perfectly so that everything would fit.

Jack Skellington inflatable halloween decoration
He was worth every penny and all of the headache to get him home…just look at him.

After going through security…they unpacked my bag and I didn’t have time to re-pack it after the security lady just shoved everything in there and was barely able to get it closed.

When I got to the gate, the gentleman at the counter made me put it in the carry on measure compartment, and I literally had to shove it in there but thankfully he let me board with it.  I also had to shove it into the overhead bin hoping that I wasn’t ruining my son’s Army pictures that he had given me.  And luckily this time there was no one that succumbed to being my victim of head bashing.

I got settled in my seat and realized that this plane had been the best one so far.  It had television and games located on a screen that was attached to the back of the seat in front of me.  You just had to have your own headphones.  Long gone are the days you have to purchase them on the plane.

Even after a 5 hr energy and 2 energy drinks I plopped up my $20 neck pillow, which I had purchased in the airport, found a music station I liked, placed my headphones in my ears, and quickly fell asleep.  It was going to be an over 4 hour flight to LA even though I just needed to get to Reno.  Therefore I was going to be flying right over Reno and into LA.

I slept on and off for a little over two hours because let’s face it, sleeping on planes is not comfortable what. so. ever.

I decided to see what I could find on the movies section of my entertainment device.  And settled back for the remainder of my flight.

About 20 minutes before landing I realized I needed to use the restroom but I was in the window seat and the gentleman next to me was fast asleep and I didn’t want to disturb him so I told myself that I could just hold it until we landed.

BIG MISTAKE.

We landed on time and I had an hour and 20 minutes until my next flight.  Plenty of time right?  Well let me just tell you what a cluster fuck the LAX airport is.  They had no gate for us to pull up to so we sat on the tarmac for an hour!  They told us we had to remain seated in our seats…but I HAD TO PEE and now it was to the point that there was no holding it!

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The friendly flight attendant **another sound of sarcasm in my voice** came over to ask me what I needed.  I told him I was pretty much going to piss my pants if he didn’t let me out of my seat.  He gave me a slightly irritated look and replied, “well if you must go then go”.

Thanks dickhead…I had only been holding it for almost 2 hours now.  So here I am, in the restroom closet cabin and the plane is starting to move.  I kid you not…I peed for 10 minutes straight swaying back and forth with the movement of the plane.

They finally got us to a gate and off the plane we all shuffled.  I had 10 minutes to get to my next gate which was on the other side of the airport via shuttle.  For those of you who have never had to experience the true torture hell ordeal of having to travel via LAX well let me assure you that I will avoid it at all costs in the future.

I was literally sprinting while carrying my purse and carry on.  Dodging the airport indoor people movers who I swear go faster than they should.  And if you don’t move out of their way when they beep the horn, I do believe they would just run over you.

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Finally arriving to my gate, huffing, puffing and feeling like my heart was going to explode I was told that they hadn’t even started boarding yet even though my not so up to date app said the flight was on time.

I literally visioned myself hitting the counter people in the head with my carry on.  But I realize it’s not their fault and took a seat.

At this point I am thirsty and hungry, which is quickly turning into hangry.  And I don’t dare leave the area in fear I will miss boarding.  I did not want to miss my flight to Reno…it was my second to the last stretch to home.

After about 20 minutes we finally board.

And we sit.

In a plane without a single empty seat…and no air on.

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After about 30 minutes they inform us that the plane is inoperable and we have to get off this plane and wait to board another one.

At this point, my nerves are spent.  But there’s no one to get mad at because they are just doing their job and quite frankly I didn’t want to be on a plane that could possibly crash.

Of course there were several passengers who didn’t feel like keeping quiet and decided to make a huge scene which wasn’t helping the matter of getting us re-boarded quickly and on our way.

About another hour passes and finally they have found us a plane!  We all shuffle like a herd of cattle to board not caring who is supposed to board first according to groups on their boarding passes.

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And do you think they would give us a complimentary drink or anything for our troubles?  NOPE!  We got nothing except an apology.  But at this point, I didn’t really care…I just wanted to get to Reno, and get on the road for the last 2 hour stretch of drive to home.

After a 17 hour day of traveling the only thing I did when I got home was took a shower, put my pajamas on, and went to bed.  And slept for 12 hours.  And was so thankful that when I woke, it was Saturday and there was no school run, nowhere to go, and nothing to do but sit in a vegetative state in front of the tv.

And that’s exactly what I did.

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I Am The Mother Of A Soldier

Never did I think that I would hear those words escape from my mouth but the truth is, I am officially the mother of a soldier.

I had the honor of attending my oldest son’s graduation from basic training  in Fort Leonard Wood, MO.  And I must say that it will be one of the fondest memories I possess in my life.

mother soldier kids growing up

As a parent we raise our children in hopes that they will be successful, but for a mother of a soldier it’s just a bit of a catch 22 for me.  As proud as I am of him, we also live in a world of uncertainty right now.

I took my seat that morning and watched as each group of these young men and women marched their way to the stage and one by one called off their names and where they were from.  And when my child came forth, I barely recognized him.  He was all grown up.  He had already changed.

I thought about all their family and friends in the audience who were watching and wondering if they were all having the same feelings as me.  The feelings of pride, joy, love, fear, understanding, and of course uncertainty.  If their whirl wind of emotions, were blowing in the same direction as mine.

I sat across from my son, dressed in his Army issued tailored blues, made just for him.  And I couldn’t help but think that just yesterday he was this 10 year old little boy, with no thoughts of where he would be sitting on this very day across from me.

mother soldier kids growing up
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I thought about the past year and a half and what he has overcome.  That he made some bad choices but made some self discovery along the way and in the end chose the right path.

I thought about the last time I saw him and how many things were said between us.  A conversation that hasn’t been finished.

I also thought about my 4 other children, who are all growing up so fast, and that as soon as I blink my eyes, this person sitting across from me, will be my 4 year old.  All grown up and no longer needing my undivided attention and me knowing that I did my best to give her and all of her siblings the love, life skills, and childhood memories that will give them the best wings to fly.  To know that I tried to be the best mother I could…even when some days mothering required every ounce of me that I had.

Watching this ceremony and hearing of my son’s stories of his journey so far, gave me a new found respect for these young men and women who take an oath to protect and serve their country.  To protect some of the freedoms that so many of us take for granted.  To sign on a dotted line not knowing the unpredictability that lies ahead.

Basically giving up their freedom…to ensure ours.

The last night I was there, I walked my son up the sidewalk near his barracks.  I promised I wouldn’t cry.  I promised that I would be strong and send him on his way.   I hugged him tight, told him I loved him, and then as soon as I turned to head toward’s the car all those tears poured out.

I hadn’t cried like that in a long time.

But it wasn’t just because I am the mother of a soldier, it’s because I am a mother, and for the first time since becoming a mother, I had a taste of what it was like to let go, and that before long, I would have to let go of all of them.

To Bryan,

I know your blood doesn’t share my blood but I will always think of you as my son.  There are so many things that you won’t understand until you have children of your own.  

I hope you know how proud your dad and I are of the person you have become.  That you chose to be a better person, even with so many odds against you.

I hope you understand how much we love you.  And how much we never stopped loving you…even when you weren’t making the best of choices.

I hope you understand the reasons of why we had to make some of the choices we made.  I don’t regret those choices…especially if it gave you the will to prove you could make it.  That you could be a better person even with the hand of cards you had been dealt.

I hope you will always know…this is your home.

Love,

Mom

PS:  Never lose sight of the boy on the left.  He’s formed the man on the right.

mother soldier kids growing up

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Momsterslink ~ October 27th, 2016

Hello everyone!  I will not be running #momsterslink this week as I have been out of town all week for my sons graduation from the Army and haven’t had time to get it ready.

I will have lots to write about though and will return next week!

Hope everyone has a blissful day!

Tips That Men Can Impress Their Ladies With On National Boyfriend’s Day

I am not a man who has come up with this post, nor have I interviewed any of those mortals that we women refer to as ball hugging creatures.  I am however here to perhaps help those of you morons gentlemen who do fondle handle cup scratch rub or hold those male crown jewels.

In this day and age if you want to get sex something  you need to give woo something.  Us women do have a dreaded switch…problem is the switch is usually stuck on bat shit crazy  psycho grumpy  mom mode, bitchy…or just plain ol “leave me the fuck alone” and will most likely stay that way unless you do something to “flip the switch“.

National Boyfriend's Day

Men don’t have switches…it’s not in their DNA.  How lucky for them.  And if they did, it would just always be stuck on “touch my junk“.

Therefore, in honor of National Boyfriend’s Day I am going to give some tips that men can use to impress their ladies.  In turn this means, be better boyfriend’s, lovers, and husbands and maybe just get your junk touched.

*A note taped to the mirror.  It doesn’t HAVE to be a love note.  You might be lucky and have the cool chic that would admire your sense of humor with”Hey you want to get the sheets dirty later?” and she would laugh and you’d be getting lucky in a few hours.

*A Facebook, or any social media of your choice, shout out to your favorite gal, girl, female, woman, or lady.  It’s so much less expensive than flowers that just die anyway.  But hey if your woman’s thing is flowers then by golly you better get your ass to the store and get some.  If it’s liquor, chocolate, a card, or whatever it may be…GET. IT. DONE!

*Tell her she is beautiful in a way that you “mean” it.  Even if she looks a mess because she has been busy working at the office all day, dealing with the kids all day and has 10 different kid fluids and food on her, just got done grocery shopping, or even if she is sweaty and stinky from the gym.  Make sure she knows she is not only a “hot” mess but that she is YOUR hot mess.

*Give a compliment.  Even if the only thing you can come up with is “Thanks so much for folding my shirt the right way”.  It’s at least a compliment.  Not a very brilliant one but hey, most women aren’t asking for brilliance when it comes to compliments.   We just like to feel appreciated.  Men and women have different ways of feeling appreciated.

*Don’t expect her to be in a good mood all the time.  Women have these dreadful things called HORMONES.  And men wouldn’t know what they were if they were sprinkled on their favorite meal like salt and pepper.  Could you even imagine if a man just suddenly started crying for no apparent reason?  The world would end.   So instead of pointing out her bad mood, which I am sure she is already well aware of, try making her laugh instead.  Say something funny.   Kiss her favorite spot.  Hug her and tell her…”hey everything’s going to be fine.”.

National Boyfriend's Day Tips

*Take her somewhere without asking her to make the choice.  If you have been together long enough than you should know the places she likes to go.  Or do something out of the ordinary.  And if you can’t think of something out of the ordinary then you are just plain lame.  Lame. Lame. Lame.  You don’t deserve a woman.

*Give her some time to herself.  Draw her a bubble bath.  Pour her a glass of her favorite poison.  Put on some of her favorite music.  Light some candles.  THEN LEAVE THE FUCKING ROOM!  Come back in about a half hour to see how she’s doing.  And no, this doesn’t mean naked, with your junk flashing around in her face like somehow her moment of relaxation should be interrupted for your benefit.  Check to see if she needs a refill.  Also to make sure she hasn’t fallen asleep and drowned.  Then, if you have kids, go put them little suckers to bed.  And MAYBE when she is done you can see about trying to get lucky.

*Pay attention to the music she has been listening to.  There is no better way to tell what’s going on in a girl/woman’s head than what she is listening to.  Especially if repeat is getting hit a lot.

Yes I am well aware that women can be complicated creatures.  It’s not our fault…it’s part of our DNA.  We can go from calm to crazy faster than you can scratch an itch.  You think we choose to be this way?  You think we don’t know when we are feeling or being bitchy?  The thing is, as men, you could learn to handle it a little better than just pouring gasoline on the already raging fire.

National Boyfriend's Day

And this doesn’t mean that you have to do all these things everyday either.  There are days that we are perfectly fine getting through the day without the likes of you.  But if you want more happiness in the atmosphere then you need to put out what you want back.  Complaining about it does nothing.  Action does.

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House Cleaning Tips

I have always said that housework is not my life occupation profession business career “job description”.  I like to refer to myself as the president of this corporation I run, where from time to time the dreadful house cleaning must. be. done.

Now this isn’t going to be a list of actual house cleaning tips…but maybe you already guessed that.

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This is what I feel about housework

Now I am not one to say that my house is anywhere near magazine looking.  Martha Stewart, I am not.  Martha Stewart would laugh at me and then we could sit back and share prison stories while she gave me some stock market tips.  **just roll with it**

There’s no “Homes And Gardens” knocking on my door.

Actually there’s no one knocking on my door…maybe because we have that bright red “NO SOLICITING” sign right in plain view.  Anyway…

And how about you men that stay home?  Are you all Mr. Clean’s?  Do you tread around the house with those magical white sponges, that I swear must have mother’s spit in them because they work so damn good.

I have finally learned to live by the motto that since I am the one who cleans, I will decide when and what gets cleaned.

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Now our house isn’t remotely close to an episode of Hoarders either.  There isn’t any bags of poo or 500 mice scurrying around inside our walls that we refer to as pets.  Yes I am aware that Hoarding is a disease and that most people don’t want to truly be that way but I am just making a point here.  (for all those easily offended)

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I will tell you this though.  When I do clean something, I spend hours doing it.  The other night,  AFTER I put the kids to bed, I spent 3 hours in my very own kitchen scrubbing and disinfecting everything that had a surface.  And had it not been so late and I hadn’t had one too many whiskey on the rocks (it was Friday night people…pathetic…I know), I probably would have started organizing the 19 cabinet spaces our kitchen contains.  No, I don’t do meth, alcohol is like an energy drink for me.

And yes I do like to get a little drunk snockered inebriated  buzzed and then go on outrageous cleaning marathons, sometimes.  It makes it so less tedious.  Don’t judge me.

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I have been cleaning for over 30 years…personally I am quite sick of doing it.  And with 4 kids, a dog, and my husband…the struggle. is. real.  And yes they all have chores of their own to do, with the exception of my husband, but because I am so picky, I go around and still clean after they have cleaned.   My OCD has come a long way since having kids though.  When I was single and worked an obscene amount of hours…I had a maid.  And even after she would come, and even though the house was clean, my OCD would kick in and I would go and get the stuff that she missed.  Stuff that a normal person, without OCD, would have never noticed.

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Any of my friends that knew me before I had kids, can speak for me that my house was “I’m hiding DNA evidence” clean.

Now days…whatever you do…don’t lift the couch cushions.

Don’t move the refrigerator or the washer and dryer for that matter.

Stay away from most drawers and cabinets in the utility room without signing an injury waiver first.

 

See the thing about house cleaning for me, is that it takes me so damn long to do one area of my house that it then takes me a day or two to recover before I get to another section.  Therefore, my house is never all clean in one day.  Actually there are just other things that I would truly rather be doing.

Here is the best house cleaning tip of all…WHEN IT’S DONE!

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DomesticatedMomster

Throwback Thursday ~ A Housewife’s Wardrobe

As I was hanging up my clothes today I started to think to myself that my wardrobe is just not as cute as it used to be.  Yes I have managed to hang onto some of the cute stuff but rarely do I find myself wearing it.  My closet has become full of what I would call a housewife’s wardrobe.

The majority of my laundry consists of sweats (Old Navy sweats are my favorite), t-shirts that are dated back to the pregnancy with my first child…not to mention they look even older after being washed and warn what seems like a gazillion times, and sweatshirts…the ones that I throw upon myself to rush to the grocery store.  Oh and lets not forget my lovely go to yoga pants…comfy doesn’t get any comfier then a washed and warn pair of yoga pants.  Unfortunately they have never seen the light of day of a yoga class.

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I have also found a love for cameos.  Nothing fancy, Kirkland brand from Costco.  But I wear them under EVERYTHING.  Sometimes I feel like it’s just one step closer to wearing “spanx”.  Although I just don’t see how something squeezing every ounce of cellulite could be anywhere near comfort. And where does all the fat go?  And what happens when you take it off?  Isn’t that kind of like false advertisement?  Like the wonder bra and wonder jeans, where one wonders what happened when they are removed.  Of course that only applies to people who are dating, I suppose.  As “married with children” women we have had everything on display already.

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Now mind you I have come a long way in motherhood with my wardrobe.  Long gone are the days that I would get dolled up to leave the house and inevitably one of the babies would spit up and I didn’t have time to change.  Nothing like sitting somewhere smelling like soured breast milk.

 

I complain to my husband about my wardrobe and of course he tells me to go out and buy some new clothes.  But for what? I don’t go anywhere that requires anything more then my current “mommy wear”.  And for our occasional date nights I have a few pairs of jeans and “nice” tshirts for those outings.  I mean seriously am I going to clean the house and attend to the children in fancy clothes?  I am sure there are mothers that do so but as for me I have never been much of a fashionista so why start now?  I would rather spend my money on something more rational…like wine.  **smiles**

 

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We live in a small town…you know the kind where some people can’t even get out of their pajama bottoms to go to the grocery store.  I am quite certain our local Wal-Mart is on a YouTube video somewhere.

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I have some really cute pajama pants but I am not about to wear them out in public…unless of course I don’t need to get out of the car…then it’s acceptable.  I say this because once my kids start school I know that I am going to be one of those mom’s dropping my kids off with my pajamas and slippers on.  I am NOT a morning person what so ever and the fact that I will have 3 of them to get ready at the crack of dawn, that just doesn’t leave time for me to worry about what I look like.

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Even at 10am this is what I still look like.

UPDATE:  I go to the gym after dropping off the kids these days so I am usually dressed the part…but on Fridays my littlest one doesn’t go to preschool so therefore the other two are dropped off with my pajamas on.  Don’t judge.  I don’t have to get out of the car.

I have also started hating to wear bras…mind you I will not go out in public without one on but as soon as I get home it’s the first thing to come off.  My “girls” don’t like to be all bunched up in a wad.  I mean could you imagine if men had penis bras?  Or had to go everywhere wearing a jock strap?  We would never hear the end of how uncomfortable that was.  Well I feel the same way about my boulder holder.  Therefore when I am home, it is off.  **feels sorry for the random people who come to the door**

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Truth is I am a stay at home mom/housewife and I enjoy dressing the part.  Let’s face it…who wouldn’t like to be able to go into work everyday with messy hair and comfy clothes?  My kids don’t care what I look like.  All they care about is that mommy is here to take care of their every need.  The only thing they notice is when I have morning breath and they tell me to brush my teeth.  My son tells me I am beautiful even when I look like a train wreck.  And lucky for me my husband likes the “natural” me.  Meaning a little eyeliner and mascara and although I have long hair it is usually up…and I am ok with it.  I am more comfortable with me now than I was in my younger years.  So to all you moms out there who wonder if your wardrobe has gotten a bit on the frumpy side just remember that as long as your kids are happy who cares if your shirt has a hole in it?

The “not so fashionista”,

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UPDATE:  I wrote this piece when I first started my blog.  I have since purchased some new clothes and actually because this year I made a decision that I was going to promise to myself to get in shape I will be purchasing some more clothes.  Something about losing weight and feeling healthy on the inside makes you want to look better on the outside.  But I still love my pajama days…which is usually only Sundays these days.

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DomesticatedMomster