#GirlsWithBigBoobProblems

When I was younger I absolutely hated having big boobs.  I would wear overly huge tops and try everything I possibly could to make them “appear” smaller.  I even tried duct taping them once…talk about painful!  Over the years I have grown to appreciate them more but there is still a bit of a pain in the ass dark side to having big tatas.

Bra shopping.  I have wandered into Vicoria’s Secret on numerous occasions only to be disappointed in their selection of sizes. On the clearance rack only hangs A and B cups.  Now, as a marketing person I would have to stop and figure out why there are so many of those sizes left over.  Could it possibly be because boob jobs breast enlargement has been on the rise for quite some time now.  Granted mine are all natural but that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t like to at least FIND a bra my size at said store and finding it on clearance well that would just be a massive bonus.  And please tell me that when I do find my bra size in certain department stores that they look like something my granny used to wear?  Do they think that big breasted women don’t like lace and see through fancy shit?  Does my only color options have to be limited to white or tan?  And what’s with the 4 hooks in the back?  I am holding up boobs not a half ton piece of concrete.

‘Ready with the implants, nurse?’

The shelf.  It’s the place where any drop of food lies and then becomes a stain.  Every shirt I own with a stain is in “the shelf” area.  I stopped wearing white because it was like a curse.  If I stand up straight I can’t see my feet because “the shelf” is in the way.  Sometimes I just set the bowl of whatever I am eating gently on “the shelf”.  That’s one way to prevent stains from happening.

Hugging.  I am also tall…therefore hugging someone means smothering them in boob sweat nation or almost choking them to death with my massive boob mounds.

Bathing suit shopping.  Don’t even get me started.  I am lucky if I can find a top big enough to cover my nipples top half.  And let’s face it, the whole piece bathing suits these days are just so unflattering.  Especially since I don’t have a large bottom half to even out my top half.

Breastfeeding.  Thankfully I am done with this but it was no picnic when doing it.  Have you ever tried nursing with a boob larger then your baby’s head?  And to breast feed in public was just not ever going to happen.  There were no cover wraps big enough for that.  I would have to bring a queen sized sheet with a hole in it for my head.

Sleeping on my stomach.  It’s just out of the question really.

Button down tops. Don’t own any.  Because inevitably the middle few buttons get ripped off and even before that there is always a gap in that area where the buttons are 2 threads away from popping just too tight.

Working out.  I wear a bra, then a sports bra, then a tank with boob support, and then a t-shirt or sweatshirt.  Running is like giving myself black eyes out of the question for more then 5 or 10 minutes and I am just really not into having that many eyes on the twins.  So if the gym is packed then you can bet I am not running on the treadmill.  Running also produces boob sweat which then is attracted to every piece of crumb of anything that falls in there.  I could feed a small nation with what gets lost in crumbs between my boobs.

‘You don’t expect me to play volleyball without a sports bra, do you?’

People ask me if I have back problems.  WTF do you think!

Running out the door without a bra on.  Running and no bra shouldn’t even be in the same sentence for me.  Even to run to the local convenience store…I put a boulder holder bra on.

#GirlsWithBigBoobProblems

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